Before the first date: a practical checklist for people with chronic conditions

The first checklist handles logistics.

This one handles you.

What do I want them to know?

Not everything.

Just what may matter tonight.

What don't I want to discuss yet?

You may decide:

"If they ask about the scar, I'll answer generally but not discuss the surgery in detail."

That's okay.

What's my exit plan?

You don't owe anyone a three-hour date because you agreed to coffee.

If you're exhausted, uncomfortable, unsafe, or simply not enjoying yourself, you can leave.

What would make the date easier?

Maybe:

• sitting rather than walking;
• quieter surroundings;
• an earlier time;
• easy bathroom access;
• shorter duration;
• familiar food.

What am I actually evaluating?

Not:

"Will they accept my medical condition?"

Only.

Also:

"Do I like them?"

"Do I feel comfortable?"

"Are they curious?"

"Are they kind to staff?"

"Do they listen?"

"Would I like to see them again?"

Your diagnosis isn't the only criterion in the room.